I can't stop crying, I don't even feel sad anymore, only nervous, but I'm still crying... I'm waiting for any answer from Hikari-chan but she still doesn't respond to me. I hope that everything is alright with her...
Ah, and my brother hates me so much, nice to know. I want to be 18 and go to the Uni so much. Then I will move out from this mad house of hatred... And then I'm gonna wait only one year for my love and I could be happy... Sometimes I come to the conclusion that I actually hate my life. The way that everything goes on.
I try so hard to help other people, to be the good one not the bad one, to be nice etc... And even that people hates me. I've got some friends but actually I think that they like only because they don't really know me... And I have really weird feeling that most of people that I know don't like me. This is most likely because in the end I'm antisocial. Yes people, I'm not VERY shy or anything. I'm just antisocial and stupid. I can't talk with people.
But I thank god that I met Hikari, she is the only person on this fucking world who accept and love the whole of me. Even I'm fat, even I'm ugly, even I'm not good at anything and I'm doing everything wrong she loves me <3 And because of her I can live like others, I'm not a fucking emo anymore. Even I'm always complaining (I think I've got a reasons to complain) I don't need to cry everyday, and be always sad. My smile is true.
Uh, I can be seriously happy.
And that's the point of my whole boring post. I think that without her I'm gonna die. And I mean real death.
So I hope she's not gonna leave me. But I feel like it gonna happen. I really don't know why. But I'm scared about it... I trust her and her love but I'm scared.
Actually this blog is really nice way to grumble. I can write everything about my feelings, it makes me feel much better.
And now I think I want to go sleep. I ate too much today because I ate half of medium pizza, kinder bueno and weird chocolate thing and my stomach hurts soooooo much. But I have to wait for Hikari's answer... I'm not gonna go to sleep before it.
君がいて私がいる この今は
変わらない 紛れも無い 真実
朝が全てを洗い流すから 何も怖がらずに眠ろう
君と分ち合う迷いや痛みも 二人なら超えて行ける
悲しむために生まれたわけではなく
ただ私を待っている君に一目会いたくて
朝が全てを照らすその前に どうか君の夢を見せて
遠くで泣いている君を抱き寄せて この距離を越えてずっと
I'm so addicted to Exist+Trace... Because of my love <3
uhm... I need to go and have a cigarette... But I can't! I don't want to...
very very very very very very very very old picture of me lol.
Edit: Good news. Hikari answer me ^^
