A lot of things changed, a looot...
I think I'm like a completely different person now ._.
I broke up with my girlfriend, I fell in love with somebody else.
I've changed my style, my clothes, my hair even my face. Actually I did it for him, but we can skip that part... Cause it's one sited love.
Will make a first tattoo this summer holiday, hope it will be cool.
I'm trying to cope with my depression which came back after all of my new problems, the old ones came back, such a shame.
I start to smoking again, I hate it so much, but I start to.
I feel like a shit, a big sack of smelling shit. So worthless and useless. Don't even know why. I mean, I know why, there is a lot of people who making me feel like this but there are still people, like my friends, who helps me with it, but somehow it doesn't work. I feel like they lying, I trust them but... It doesn't work.
Cigarettes aren't the only thing that I came back to... I start to self-harm again, or actually I start to do it more often again. And I can't find anything that will help. I just can't.
But I still have a hope for happiness ^-^ In about 17 days I will see my favorite band live in Manchester - PIERCE THE VEIL. It was my bigger dream since I've discovered that band. Cause since I've discovered them I started to love them. Why? I think it's because of the moment when it happened. It was really hard time for me, I even wanted to kill myself, again, but... Somehow their music helped me to stop it. And that's really weird, their songs are actually mostly quite depressing. I mean their lyrics are quite sad etc. but they are so unique and special so it makes me calm instead of getting more depressed like others sad songs. Even when I found myself in the lyrics I didn't think as usually "oh my god, it's so bad". When I was thinking about all of those things that their songs are about I thought "if somebody could go through it I can do it too!" and it helped, even more than drawing, more that writing a diary and even more than anything else.
Now I will sound quite obsessive but I named my bass by Jaime xd'' um, K! I'm a weirdo.
How many time I've heard it. And it was only once when somebody said it in a good way actually. I mean not in joke, cause many people are saying I'm a weirdo just as a joke (I have no idea if they really mean it or not, don't care really o.o)
I think it's actually the best post-hardcore... uh, no, sorry. Mexicore band that have ever existed on this world! xD (we can skip the fact that they are the only "mexicore" band. heheheheeee~)
Ok enough of talking about them, they are awesome and everybody knows.
The other thing that I think will make me happy is the photography camp which I'm goin on with Sebastian on summer holiday. ^-^ We have so many plans, it will be fun!
Ok, that's the end of today's note, goodnight <3
That's how do I look like right now, a bit. lol
._. as you can see I've done the piercing I always wanted to have, finally. ^^' And it didn't hurt at all. The best thing - my mum let me to do only one, I've done snake bites, she was angry. Like few weeks later, I think about three weeks, I've done septum. Hehehheee~ I'm planning pierce my tongue and do the one in the cheekbone. However it's called xD
I've heard that somebody called it teardrop piercing. And it actually makes sense haha xd
and, I don't know. xd bye bye again.
"This isn't fair!
Don't you try to blame this on me.
My love for you was bulletproof but you're the one who shot me.
And god damn it, I can barely say your name,
so I'll try to write and fill the pen with blood from the sink."
